It's just me

Hi,

It's me. Eli. I've missed you. Your nice and comforting words that fills up my heart. For now it's just empty. Maybe we will meet again sometime? I surely hope so.

The "others" don't see me. They can't seem to see Eli, me. I am me but thry can't see it. I'm still Elise for them. Elise. Daughter. Sister. Her. I don't feel comfortable with any of 'em to be honest. I would probably be uncomfortable if they all of a sudden changed their minds and call me male pronouns. Brother. Son.

It is all very confusing and scary.

I'm always me. Always Eli. But when around many people I disappear into Elise. I hide inside until I can ome out and be myself again.

Eli told them about it, about the gender confusion, the dysphoria and the way it feels wrong. I guess he's hoping to get a professional to talk about it. There's no one else. My parents is a big no-no, my usual shrink don't know what to say and my doctor is the same. The only one he is talking to is this woman that's gonna help me get a job (a few hours a week). She knows someone that's started a new place in town, where they talk about anything sexual (including transgender). Maybe I'll go there and talk about it. We'll see.

I wish I could be Eli full-time.
For now, it's fifty-fifty

Eli says

Det har varit en lång och mörk svacka sedan början på December. Går lite upp ibland men mest ned. Jag gör mitt bästa för att kämpa vidare. Orken har sinat så jag har använt datorn max en 20 min i veckan.

Ett uppehåll från internet nu då alltså. Kollar min mejl minst två gånger i veckan och den är kyouki@live.se om någon skulle vilja ha tag i mig.

Kram från en tapper soldat
Slåss i motvind med modet i bröstet

Eli W

Hej

Dags för ett litet inlägg för att visa att jag fortfarande existerar. Jag har bara ingen ork längre att sitta vid datorn.

Eli