Fight for your life

Give me peace, give me hope
Give me something to believe in
Learn to live, learn to cope
Make me feel alive within

I’m tired of feeling meaningless
I’m tired of feeling sad
Let me get out of this mess
And give me what I once had

Happiness seems far away
I can’t even see the light
Though I hope that one day
I will win this constant fight

Copyright © 2011 Elise Wilén

2 in 1 så att säga

Would you?

Would you consider giving up on life
When everything around you fades away?
Would you consider using that knife
When you feel you can't go on one more day?

Would you think like I do
When you feel the pain inside?
Would you think in black too
When all you want is to hide?

Why does my life have to be this hard
When all I want is to live free?
Why do I have to be this scarred
When all I want is to be me?

~ Elise Wilén 2011

Black & white

Some days I'll stay in my bed
I won't get up, I'll sleep all day
The pain keeps echoing in my head
And I just want to fly away
That's when everything's in black
Nothing seems to shine
I want to leave, never come back
But some days, I'm just fine

Some days I'm feeling great
I think to myself, I love this place
That's when I feel no hate
Everything comes with such a grace
Those days are the best of all
When it feels like I'll never fall

But then, without warning, I fall down again...

Elise Wilén 2011 ~

Like suicide

Känner mig... dålig.

I don't feel like talking
I don't feel like living
I don't feel like walking
I don't feel like giving
Not today, not tomorrow
Maybe never again

My walls are caving in on me
The floor is falling apart
My eyes can barely see
The darkness fills my heart

I can feel the rage inside
It's slowly getting stronger
I wish I could just hide
I can't take this any longer

/ Elli Wilén

Wishing is no good

I'm standing here alone, in the night

I can't hear anything but the rain

This can't be the way, this isn't right

But the only thing I can feel, is pure pain...

So what should I do know?

Should I take one last step?
I have no idea how

How to keep on fighting for my life

How to keep my hands off that knife

There is only one thing I know

And that is - you're here now

I can finally breathe again, that's good

How I only wish that the others understood...

Copyright © 2009 – Elli Wilén

Poetry (väldigt gammal dikt)

Finns inget hopp inom mig, fasaden rasar ihop
Kan ingen komma och hissa upp mig från denna grop
Det verkar inte som det, trots att många vill
Så står tiden i min grop still
Jag vet att du vill rädda mitt liv,
hindra mig från att ta ett sista kliv
Men vet du vad? Vet du vad jag tänker på?
Om jag skulle berätta, skulle du försvinna då?

Copyright Elli Wilén 2009

Painful demon

She’s getting closer to me
I can feel her nasty breath
I’m terrified, can’t you see?
I’m afraid she’ll follow me in death

She keeps on screaming in my head
Wanting me to break apart
I think she wants me dead
And she starts by breaking my heart

It’s a constant reminder, off what’s been
Memories won’t stop flying by
I’m literally falling apart within
And she keeps asking why

I don’t want to live this way
And keep hearing you scream
I don’t want you to stay
Oh how I wish it all was a dream…

Copyright © 2010 Elli Wilén

Just one shot

Life is a deadly disease
Death is the only medication
Nothing at all can ease
and release the frustration

There’s no one to trust
I look at my own reflection
The only thing I feel is disgust
But all I want is perfection

I keep on telling myself “don’t do it”
But then again, why not?
Let me get off this train, I wanna quit
Let me end this – with just one shot …

Copyright © 2010 Elli Wilén

Getting away with murder

Yesterday, I killed someone
But she certainly did deserve it
I don’t regret what I’ve done
When I started, I couldn’t quit

I kept on stabbing her with my knife
She suddenly fell down on the floor
I can’t complain, I took her life
And now, I just want more

Let me drink, let me enjoy
A scarlet poison, so sweet
I couldn’t help but destroy
Now, the soundtracks on repeat
I keep on dreaming about her
The night I took her precious life
My vision went into a sudden blur
As I stabbed her with my knife

Copyright © 2009 – Elli Wilén

I wanna escape

My life wasn’t what I had in mind
I’m helpless, alone and blind
There’s too many things in my head
It feels like I’m a living dead

Today, tomorrow or never
Maybe this is forever
Like a bullet in my head
I was born to become the living dead

Can’t deal with this no more
I’m sorry but this is so unreal
Keep feeling the ice cold emotions
I know, my heart’s made of steel

I keep on screaming so loud
But everywere, it keeps on following me
This oh so dark and rainy cloud
It’s covering my scars, you wanna see?
No, you’re not allowed …

Let me escape, leave me alone
Keep it up, keep going my clone

Copyright © Elliott 2009

The lesson of Life

Sometimes I just wanna cry
Break down a little, maybe die
When I have those moments
I think about you, my friend
And my heart starts to mend
But most of the times, I still die
Break down, and starts to cry
I keep asking myself why
Why am I the one to blame
Why do I always have to carry this shame?
I haven’t found out yet
Why I’m the one who’s a threat
I haven’t learn my lesson, no
I still won’t let my feelings show
Will I ever know, why it’s like this
Or will I someday, be the one you miss?

Copyright © Elliott 2009

Ett skott i nacken

Ett skott i nacken
så är det slut
Kom igen och gör det
tryck av och skjut

Ett skott i nacken
så enkelt det är
Du lär inte missa
det är lätt, jag svär

Ett skott i nacken
jag ber dig, snälla
Jag orkar inte mer
vill höra det smälla

Det svartnar för mig
Allt blixtrar till
Du ligger på marken
alldeles still

Ett skott i nacken
du försvann från mig
Du föll till marken
och det blödde från dig

Hur ska jag nu klara det
när du inte finns mer
Nu finns det ingen som vet
att det är falskt när jag ler

Copyright 2009 © Elli Wilén

Livslåga

En sista önskan, ett sista skrik
Jag önskar inget hellre än att dö
Få leva en enda dag utan panik
Eller drunkna i en stilla sjö

Bara försvinna bort för ett tag
Jag orkar inte kippa efter andan mer
Det är inte lätt att leva en hel dag
När man bara faller längre ner

Mitt liv blev inte som jag trodde
Varenda sekund är en jävla plåga
Jag vill ha tillbaka det mörkret snodde
Och det är min brinnande livslåga …

Copyright 2009 © Elli Wilén

Echo

Lying on my bed and hearing the echo in my head
I don’t know for how long I can deal with this
The lights have gone out, I try not to doubt
On myself in this exhausting moments
But when your head feels like it’s gonna blow
And you really don’t want to let it show
You can’t do anything but stop and calm down
Even though you’re feeling like a clown…
The inside of my head is dead and I’m not prepared
Not prepared for this meltdown, this doomsday
I just want to be here with you… I wanna stay!

Copyright 2009 © Elli Wilén

Best friend

Wish I could give you all stars in the sky
Because you are my one and only best friend
I keep on asking myself why,
And when will this broken heart mend?
You are the one for me, you're always there
I will always love you, no matter what - I swear!
Even though these demons keep on appearing
And their noise is all I'm hearing
I will always be there for you, always
In both warm and cold days
I'll be there for you
Because I love you

Copyright 2009 © Elli Wilén

In the night

I'm standing here alone, in the night
I can't hear anything but the rain
This can't be the way, this isn't right
But the only thing I can feel, is pure pain...
So what should I do know?

Should I take one last step?
I have no idea how
How to keep on fighting for my life
How to keep my hands off that knife

There is only one thing I know
And that is - you're here now
I can finally breathe again, that's good
How I only wish that the others understood...

Copyright 2009 © Elli Wilén

The rain goes on

And the rain goes on
Keeps falling down
Down on my head
Bringing back the dead
Tearing up a thousand things
And it gives me wings
Only for a while, though
After that, I have to let it go
And maybe a tear in my eye
When I look into the sky
Realizing my wings passed away
And making me not want to stay

Copyright 2009 © Elli Wilén

Panikångest

Kroppen skakar, munnen ger ifrån sig ett skrik
Mina trötta ögon är fyllda av panik
Det kliar i mina armar, jag vet vad dom vill
Jag kan fan inte stå emot, kan inte sitta still
Munnen skriker ytterligare lite mer
Vad fan är det egentligen som sker?
Jag sitter och gungar, fram och tillbaka
Och min kropp kan inte sluta skaka
Andningen är häftig, kan inte lugna ner den
Hela kroppen känns som på helspänn
Rummet krymper, paniken växer fort
Vad fan har jag egentligen gjort?
Vad har jag gjort för att förtjäna detta?
Kan ingen därute berätta
Varför livet ska vara såhär jävla skumt
Fyfan, panikångest är bara dumt....

Copyright 2009 © Elli Wilén

Life of me

Close your eyes, feel the pain
Streaming down on you, like the rain
You can't run and you can't hide
And you're slowly dying inside

They all can see through your stupid lie
It doesn't matter how hard you try
Even if you thought you could fake a smile
It will take more than a while

To actually come to realize
That your heart is turning to ice
And now, one last line
And you'll be fine

I just wanted you to see
That this is the life of me...

Copyright 2009 © Elli Wilén

?

Mitt liv
Ett kliv
Ett allra sista kliv
Det vore så lätt och det hade gått fort
Om jag bara hade fått det gjort
Mitt mod, finns inte där
Jag lever i en annan atmosfär
Jag vill inte finnas här ...
Om jag bara hade vågat
Så hade jag frågat
Om det går att fixa det här
Jag undrar en sak, när?
När är det min tur att få må bra?
Och när kan jag bara få va'?

Copyright 2009 © Elli Wilén

Quitter …

All alone in this dark, lonely space
I would love to disappear
And come to another place
Erase the things I've said and done
And just put down the rusty gun
My life keeps on joking
And it feels like I'm choking
I used to laugh, I used to smile
But haven't done that for a while
Wish I could do something about it
Wish I could just step up and say "I QUIT!"

Copyright 2009 © Elli Wilén