It's just me

Hi,

It's me. Eli. I've missed you. Your nice and comforting words that fills up my heart. For now it's just empty. Maybe we will meet again sometime? I surely hope so.

The "others" don't see me. They can't seem to see Eli, me. I am me but thry can't see it. I'm still Elise for them. Elise. Daughter. Sister. Her. I don't feel comfortable with any of 'em to be honest. I would probably be uncomfortable if they all of a sudden changed their minds and call me male pronouns. Brother. Son.

It is all very confusing and scary.

I'm always me. Always Eli. But when around many people I disappear into Elise. I hide inside until I can ome out and be myself again.

Eli told them about it, about the gender confusion, the dysphoria and the way it feels wrong. I guess he's hoping to get a professional to talk about it. There's no one else. My parents is a big no-no, my usual shrink don't know what to say and my doctor is the same. The only one he is talking to is this woman that's gonna help me get a job (a few hours a week). She knows someone that's started a new place in town, where they talk about anything sexual (including transgender). Maybe I'll go there and talk about it. We'll see.

I wish I could be Eli full-time.
For now, it's fifty-fifty