Keep fighting

I won't go into any details but feel like I need to get something off my chest. This Wednesday I took a trip to the psychiatric ER. It's bad, guys...really bad. Sorry, no details, but shit is about to hit the fan soon it feels like. I never imagined it being this way and I'm terrified. It's just so difficult even feeling the connection between me and the outside world...

The past months, during the summer, my mental health has worsened. Since my doctor have been post-poning my appointment, I haven't had anyone to talk to either. I really hate summer, I hate that the doctors and shrinks go on vacation while we sit at home, alone and in pain, unable to escape. We can't just decide to get on vacation as our minds always follow us wherever we go.

Thankfully it's only about two weeks left until my appointment. That's about 6 months since my last visit. Six months. Half a year. It's insane.

Gotta keep fightin', though. I don't really have any other options... Ending it all wouldn't be fair towards my parents; I don't want to cause them more pain. I know that they love me so I think they'd be devastated. Although I can't see any other escape, I just have to keep breathing. Somewhere deep down inside there's still a fragment of hope lingering in the shadows. Somewhere is happiness, just be patient...